CRAZY JOKES

5 Apr 2019

1. Last night as I was coming home

some armed robbers stopped and me
I ran, as I was running I saw SARS I
ran back to the armed robbers for
safety... .
2. I tell you, Gone are the days when
boys take off their hat when greeting
elders,, now they will just remove one
earphone...
3. The way people inside KEKE will be
looking at you while trekking, it will
be as if they're inside private jet...
4. Our parents will be comparing us
with our mates as if Bill Gates and
Dangote are not their mates..... Mama
and papa, We hear una .
5. When African parents are scolding
you, you have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted and used against you. .
6. It's sounds funny when short
people try to remember their
childhood and be like.... "when I was
small" As if they are not still small,
haha... You people will not kill me,
but na joke so make una no vex .
7. Do you remember when you were
small and you thought the moon use
to follow you, That's when your
stupidity started.. Nobody should near
me am nor feeling fine. .
8. Some guys will say girls don't love
them because they don't have money,
you sef bros, as you don't have
money do you love yourself?? .
9. The most respected persons in
Nigeria a are those sharing food at
weding ceremony. .
10. My dear Igbo girls Please repeat
after me.. It's called GUITAR AND
NOT JINTAR, okay? Thankiu. .
11. Do you want to know how it feels
to be married??? Oya! Delete all the
songs in your phone, leaving only
one.... Now play it every time, day
and night. .
12. Yoruba boys trying to be romantic
be like "You are the egg in my
eggroll, baby without you, i am buns..
Nawa o.
13. People are busy hiding millions
from government and you are busy
there hiding *last seen in WhatsApp!
Lol.. yeye people...
14. Going to your boyfriends house
without informing him that
heartbreak you are looking for, sister,
you shall find it.
15. That moment when you
mistakenly zii.. Ladies! Close your
eyes, I'm talking to my fellow guys,
that moment when you mistakenly zip
the flesh of your thing after
urinating.....you'll be like "God why
me, Just let me remove this thing
safely, I will serve you till I die"... We
all know that feeling. .
16. Now to the Ladies You Are Slim,
No Boobs, flat buttocks and you keep
visiting the gym. Are you trying to
contest for Miss selfie stick??.
17. African girls ...When the pant is
new, she will be like "boo remove it
yourself" but wen it is old and faded,
she will be like "boo boo wait, I have
a surprise for you, close your eyes.
18. Today I saw my EX passing by our
house with her new boyfriend ...
Jealous down, they looked so
beautiful together. So I opened the
gate for my dogs to see them too. Lol
You should have seen how they
produced new temple run together.
19. So there are people who still think
Wrestling is real .I'm so disappointed
in you, what did you exchange your
brain for??
20. nobody notice that jesus talking
to 5000 people without using mic is a
miracle ,, We only focus on the cake
and fish...
# MR_usa .. Una see una life?...
21. To those Girls who say.. I need a
man who is tall, God fearing
,respectful, faithful, handsome,
intelligent, rich, brings me breakfast
in bed, takes me on annual vacation,
loves me for who I am, shop for me
every week and would never cheat on
me. My sister go to the garden of
Eden, get clay and mould him
yourself....
22. That boy that sang "I want to go
home, I'm from Akwa ibom", you
remember him shey? Now since he
went home, we haven't heard from
him. Moral lesson: Fear Your Village
people...
23. And also what happened to
westlife? Late 90's they're everywhere
but now, I wonder why .. I wonder
how, I wonder where they are.." .
24. If you didn't go to at least 2 to 3
classes to look for duster, my dear,
please sit down.. Where did you
school? I'm not sure it's in Nigeria....
25. BACK IN PRIMARY Those people
who used to write their name on a
paper and put it inside a pen so we
couldn't steal I hope you're still using
the same pen??
26. Now for my class monitor in my
primary school who use to write my
name in noise makers I hope now
you are working at BBC or CNN?? .
27. Those of you that always run and
inform the teachers that we're on free
period, how far na? I hope you're
now the misnister of information,
Idiot! You people will not allow
somebody to talk to his crush.. .
28.To the Ladies, there's no better
feeling than being in Husband's car
and see the guy who broke your heart
negotiating bus-fare with the
conductor. .
29. I need a wife as crazy as I am,
Imagine waking up in the middle of
the night and we both started
laughing cus we forgot to pick the
kids from school? Lol..
30. Now that Buhari had again,
we have no other option than to give
him another chance, I think
everything is possible in Nigeria
except seeing a girl taking pictures
with a straight leg......

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10 Inspiration Quotes

12 Mar 2019

 

(1).There is no beauty but the beauty of action.
One who loves you, loves you with your dirty
__________________________
(2).Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything
___________________________
(3).You can't change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails to always reach your destination.
____________________________
(4).Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don’t fight them. Just find a new way to stand.
__________________________
(5).Failure does not mean the game is over, it means try again with Experience.
___________________________
(6).You cannot change your destination overnight but you can change your direction overnight.
____________________________
(7).The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance
_____________________________
(8).When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
______________________________
(9).When a home is burnt the rebuilt home is more beautiful
______________________________
(10)A winner is a dreamer who never gives up, believe in your dreams and never give up
_______________________________

---

 

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Random Jokes Part 1

12 Mar 2019

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Pupil confuses Teacher

23 Nov 2018

One day as i was coming from attending a church service,i met my former mathematics teacher but he didnt recognize me,we greeted and he asked for directions to the nearest bank. since i was a maths genious i wanted to show off my skills.so i said to him "make a 260 degrees turn and walk for about 1.8 meters then make an obtuse angle turn and find its square root,multiply it with the number of steps he walked and rewalk them.then he will see two supplimentary churches which are parallel to his left hand side,using pythagoras theolem find the coificient of x and round it off to the nearest tens,only after that will he see a big pharmacy which is perpendicular to the trignometrical station TT2127,just follow the road until he sees a rectangular shaped galage opposite to a pentagon shaped school which is at a distance of about the logarithm of 7.8 then using the sixth grid reference table,plot the 7.8 on the table,follow it and he will see the bank ahead of him....next day on tv i heard him saying his very lost..

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A story of a girl who returns home after 5 years.

25 Oct 2018

A girl returns home after 5 years *Father*(angry) where have you been all these years?! *Girl* i was working as a prostitute in california *Father*what!!! Get out of my house you stupid worm! i dont want to see you or your face ever again do you understand?! *Girl*(crying) before i go,i want to give you $2.5 million cheque and a 1 million for my brother and i bought a big house in los-angels for you with everything in it including a benz & a hammer.bye dad. *Father* what kind of work did you say you were doing? *Girl*(crying out loud) A prostitute dad! *Father* come and give daddy a hug i thought you said you were a PROSECUTER ....!

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True stories

24 Oct 2018

=>>>just because i dont like cooking it doesn't mean i cant cook ....have you tasted my hot water before? =>>>i always try to cheer myself up by singing when am sad,most of the times it turns out my voice is even worse than my problem =>>>at a funeral a guy was crying so loudly for a long time.then he kept quite for some time then someone asked him "why are you quite" then the guy said "i have cried too much now i am on vibration....? =>>>one day a certain girl was very happy when my friend asked for her number that she even became a model around him one day my friend went to her with courage and these were his words "just because i asked for your number you are already acting like queen of england.listen sister,asking for a number does not mean i will call you or i love you,sometimes i just like keeping new contacts in my phone have you understood?" what a powerful speech...!!!

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teaching is very hard

23 Oct 2018

*Teacher* "construct a sentence using the word "sugar" *Pupil*i drank tea this morning *Teacher*where is the word sugar *Pupil*its already in the tea...!! *Teacher*our topic for today is photosynthesis *Teacher* what is photosynthesis class? *Pupil*its our topic for today...!! *Teacher*name the nation that people hate the most? *Pupil*exami-nation..!! *Teacher*one day our country will be corruption free.what tense is this? *Pupil*it is future impossible tense...!

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some instant rhyms

19 Oct 2018

God is sensation,the creator of creation,he is our salvation he knows our condition he is aware of our situation all we need is copperation so just wait for his direction,he doesnt give temptation he sticks to his location to rule the population for the next generation do you get my explanation or you want a demonstration sorry but that can ruine my reputation because it took alot of dedication just to create a poem ending with "tion" thank you for your attention

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My Greatest Achievements

16 Oct 2018

In my entire life these are the things that where and are my most greatest achievements =>>first when i fought with a dinasour and broke its nake=>>when i went to heaven to charge my phone =>>when my grand father became the first man to land on the sun =>>this one is the most embarrassing moment of all =when i couldn't kill hundred bears with one punch even though ninty nine of them died.=>>when i collected almost 20 teeth from a male living lion=>>when i skinned a living crocodile. =>>The most amazing of all my achievements is when i stayed under water for 3 years,9 months,2 weeks 3 days,4 hours,2 minutes and 1 second

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choose wisely Devil Or God

15 Oct 2018

Devil:the person reading this post will die tonight. God:thats a lie,they are my children so they won't die. Devil:but they must die. God:why do you say they must die? Devil:because they don't take you as their father. God:thats a lie. Devil:lets test them,then only a true child of God will type "i love him"then the evil cheaters who belong to Me will surely ignore this.

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